Going Back Home | Bye-bye Detroit | Douglas Lee Ortiz for President

Goooood morning. Don’t ask me why, I just woke up in Chicago. But I thought I was in Detroit. Last night I was, but now I am in Chicago. Here I am with my homie driving to the airport with Snow White Jamie, as blond as can be, the real white deal.

I dunno how to start it, but all I know we had a party bus. And… shit went down. Shit went down, oooooomg. I thought I was not gonna have an adventure like ADC but I was wrong! Douglas Lee Ortiz, motherfucker, this is the man, omg, this is the man!! My blanket got molested. I can never look at my leopard blanket the same. Now my blanket is one corner, all shy and shit, can’t look me in the eye. Fuck you DJ Mysterio fuck you, little Poland, whatever. Whatever is whatever. Erica and Kimberly thank you so much for getting my back, especially when I’m drunk! I see you guys fighting for your boy and making sure I don’t get in trouble with my nasty mouth. Man, I wish every nigga would have homies like that. While I am listening to Beyoncé Big Ego, I gotta big egooooo such a big egooooo, I’m listening to that to reinforce my big ego.

Roasting time! You know, I don’t even know how to say this but imma address it in a gentle way. People still playing that card on me? That drinking card on me? Like wtf. Oooooh, he’s not responsible, he’s drinking, he’s doing this and he’s doing that.. I’m like bitches, listen to me. Did I miss a workshop? Did I miss a performance. Wasn’t my MC on point? Wasn’t my classes fire. Why do you gotta mention the drinking card on Manuel? Why? Why you gotta do something like that? On top of that, to my nigga Lee. You know Lee don’t give a fuck because he’s just like me. And then you talking about getting the Kizomba together. That’s how you gonna bring the Kizomba community together, by talking shit behind people’s backs? What kind of community you wanna create? Let me just not blast you because you still cool, and you spoke with me and you told me you were just joking.

What a joke.